I know this hurts, but just hear me out.

Hey there! How are ya! The other night at karaoke was pretty fun, wasn't it. Man, we were both pretty drunk and I think we need to sit down and chat.

Listen, the other night. Yeah, I think we took our relationship too far and we need to take a step back. Remember when we met when I first got here six years ago and the cool thing for me to do as a new guy was to impress the co-workers with a Japanese song? We had a good time just jabbing each other in the shoulder as good friends. I know the language barrier was a bit of a big deal and it was tough to communicate. Maybe that's why we got along at first; I never really knew if you were laughing with me or at me. Truth be told? I didn't really care. I just enjoyed your company.

And then as time went on, you started dating some of my friends on and off as we became more able and more confident with our Japanese ability. Again, we had some good times at karaoke together, and sometimes in little standing bars, or sometimes, on TV when we were just curious.

But this last weekend, I think we both know, we took things a bit too far. We need to not see each other for awhile and see how things pan out.

Oh, come on now! Please don't be like that! Remember all the good times we had? Remember ringing ridiculous little bells with Kimura Kaela? Hell, we even went to the movies and watched Kill Bill just so I could learn some of your history! Turns out Kaji Meiko is not only pretty good BUT ONE OF THE MOST UNDERRATED JAPANESE SINGERS OF ALL TIME! But hey, I'm just saying! We even went to a couple of Ga Ga Ga Special concerts together and, as you know, they rocked!

I was just really hoping that we could get through this all civilly, and one day be able to just hang out in a bar with our friends English Punk Rock, Heavy Metal, and Ska. Yeah, I know that little whore American Pop shows up every now and then and ruins the night, but we can always go somewhere else. We normally run into our old buddies 80's and sometimes Grunge! Never a bad thing!

So is that cool? Can we just be friends for a bit until it's not awkward anymore?

WELL FUCK YOU THEN!! I never liked you anyway! You have done nothing but annoy me for the full six years that I have lived here and not onc...NOT ONCE!!!...have you ever done anything for me!! I have tried SOOOOOOO hard to understand you!! But do you care!? NO!! You keep putting forth the same goddamn cookie cutter effort that you have since the mid-90's! You haven't been able to keep a steady audience past high school kids, but hey! At least they like the same old crap!!!

Oh, and the whole time, I was cheating on you with Enka!!!

Now get the hell out of my way! I'm off to have a couple beers with the boys in Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra and Ska Flames! Yeah. Ska. It kicks ass and has far more originality than you!

Making Whine With Sour Grapes

I was perusing the Asahi shim-bun website, as I always do, when I stumbled upon this article
that made me want to jab a pointed stick in my eye!

INTERVIEW/ Yukio Tsuda: Stop being 'happy slaves' of English hegemony

I have posted the interview below with a few thoughts I had while reading it myself.
So grab a pointed stick and let's go!

INTERVIEW/ Yukio Tsuda: Stop being 'happy slaves' of English hegemony

BY MASAAKI TONEDACHI ASAHI SHIMBUN SENIOR STAFF WRITER

2010/10/16

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Yukio Tsuda (Photo by Yoshiyuki Suzuki/ The Asahi Shimbun)

People have different opinions on how English should be taught in Japanese schools, but few disagree on the importance of English as an international language that must be taught. Yukio Tsuda, a sociolinguist, is one of those few. He believes Japanese people should stop glorifying English and English speakers.

In a recent interview with The Asahi Shimbun, Tsuda asserted that English has become a pernicious "tool" of discrimination that does nothing but widen social disparities. Excerpts follow.

MikeyB: Whatchu talking bout Yukio?

* * *

Question: English is an international language. When you think of the future of Japanese children, don't you think English should be taught as a compulsory subject?

Answer: The way you just phrased your question is a perfect example of how positively the English language is perceived in Japan. Everybody seems to think it's not only so cool to be an English speaker, but it also enables you to communicate freely with people around the world. Many Japanese have yearned to become proficient in English, virtually worshipping it ever since it established its superior status among foreign languages in Japan at the dawn of the Meiji Era (1868-1912). But let me tell you this: English has its dark side that represents ruthless power.

MikeyB: "English has its dark side that represents ruthless power." So? Japanese does too. Just ask the Taiwanese or the Filipinos or any other group of South-East Asian peoples.

Please ask him to elaborate on that.

Q: Could you elaborate on that?

A: As a lingua franca, English gained unrivaled global supremacy over time. The result was that all other languages were phased out of the international scene and rendered useless. The most important corollary to this is that people's communication skills have come to be judged by their level of proficiency in English.

MikeyB: I bet if Japanese were the lingua franca, we wouldn't be conducting this interview.

Q: But still, isn't English just a tool or means of communication?

A: No, no, you've got to understand that English is no longer such a harmless thing. It is breeding discrimination and inequality because people are being "classed" into English speakers and non-speakers. Native speakers and people who have studied or lived for many years in

English-speaking countries have an advantage over everyone else in the work force and the international scene.

The situation we have is what I term "the hegemony of the English language." I urge everyone to look at the darker side of English, not only at its facade of an international language in the age of globalization.

MikeyB: Wow! English breeds discrimination and inequality! And all this time I thought bigots did that. I bet that if nary a soul spoke English in Japan, there would be no discrimination and inequality....and my house would be made of cake.

"...because people are being "classed" into English speakers and non-speakers."

MikeyB: ...really? They are? Could you provide some examples of this? What I do see is people being classed as Japanese and non-Japanese. Hmmmmmmmmm...

"Native speakers and people who have studied or lived for many years in English-speaking countries have an advantage over everyone else in the work force and the international scene."

MikeyB: Again...so? I have a funny feeling Mr Professor can't speak English.

Q: But if people are disadvantaged for their lack of proficiency in English, wouldn't that be

reason enough for them to try harder to become proficient?

A: You have a point, and I don't disagree. But what I worry most is that people who have worked hard to master English become its "worshippers" and unwittingly abet the perpetuation of the discrimination and unfairness I've mentioned before. In fact, not a few Japanese who have become fluent in English by sheer diligence are guilty of it. I especially want such people and English teachers to be more aware of the negative aspects of the "hegemony of the English language."

MikeyB: Who is 'worshiping'? Please provide an example of this 'worshiping'. If there's a temple or shrine, I'd like to check it out!

" In fact, not a few Japanese who have become fluent in English by sheer diligence are guilty of it."

MikeyB: Again, evidence please. Otherwise you're just talking out your ass.

Q: In the business community, Fast Retailing Co., the operator of the Uniqlo chain of casual clothing stores, and Rakuten Inc. (the nation's largest online shopping mall operator) created quite a stir when they announced they were making English their official in-house language. Wouldn't you think more Japanese companies may follow suit?

A: I wrote to the presidents of Fast Retailing and Rakuten, urging them to reconsider. There are three problems.

First, these two Japanese retail giants switching to English for in-house communication will have a huge impact on society. People will see this as proof of the importance of having English skills, and this in turn will reinforce the structure of domination by this language.

MikeyB: First, people can't peel their eyeballs away from their cellphones long enough to notice moving traffic! I doubt anyone knows or even cares what Fast Retailing and Rakuten do.

Second, native speakers of English will gain tremendous advantage over their colleagues in all areas of in-house communication, which is bound to breed a new type of language-based social disparity.

MikeyB: As opposed to the old type of language-based social disparity,

ie. Japanese speakers who already have an advantage.

Oh, status quo

(status quo)

please don't go

(baby please don't go).

And third, I understand that Rakuten and Fast Retailing are going to prioritize foreigners over Japanese in hiring, but if this becomes more common among Japanese firms, Japanese students with poor English skills won't even be able to hope for employment upon graduation. And what greater anomaly is there than to be unable to communicate in your native tongue in your own country?

MikeyB: Ooo! Ooo! Mr Tsuda! Mr Tsuda!

I have an idea. Stay awake in English class.

This country needs to treat its own people and language with more respect.

MikeyB: Finally! Something we can agree on. Let's celebrate! Let's go to a Soapland!

Q: But for any company that does business with overseas partners and wants to hire people from around the world, don't you think that's a legitimate corporate survival strategy and the company's employees will accept it as such?

A: I firmly believe that so long as a company is based in Japan, it ought to respect the Japanese language. A language is the basis of regional culture and tradition. No corporate activity should ever result in the destruction of regional culture and tradition.

MikeyB: Try telling that to the Ainu.

So if you do business in China and Germany and Mexico...I guess you better learn Chinese and German and Mexican. ...or...this will sound kinda nutty. What if we only had one business language that everyone could use? Then you wouldn't have to learn 75 kagillion languages.

Nah...that's a stupid idea.

Q: But even so, English will grow in importance and influence. Are you saying this has to be resisted?

A: Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying we should stop using English altogether. All I'm saying is that here in Japan, English should always play second fiddle to Japanese.

MikeyB: Is it the translation or is that a borrowed idiom. Shouldn't he be using Japanese idioms. I'm pretty sure the Fiddle is not Japanese. How about if English played second shamisen to Japanese.

I want the government to take the lead in protecting our language. The French parliament in 1994 passed the law on usage of the French language, known as the Toubon law, to protect the French language from being inundated by English words and expressions.

MikeyB: Mon Dieu! This just gets dumber by the minute.

So Mr Smart Guy, if the French ate slimy little sea creatures, would you?

Oh, wait...

The law mandated the use of French in official government publications and at international conferences. The law also aims to prevent overuse of foreign languages on television and radio. I believe the Japanese government should follow the French example and implement necessary policies. I want the government to protect the Japanese language and help it earn an "international status" by endeavoring to establish it as an international language. In this endeavor, however, the government must not be pushy with other nations.

MikeyB: "I want the government to protect the Japanese language and help it earn an "international status" by endeavoring to establish it as an international language."

In other words...Invade other countries, colonize and force them to adopt your language.

Hmmm....think I already saw that movie. How'd that work out for ya?

Q: We Japanese study English, but that's not because we are being "pushed" by the United States or Britain. It's the education ministry, or our own government, that requires all Japanese students to learn English. Also, I think a lot of people are working to brush up their English skills at their own initiative.

A: A slave who doesn't feel his enslavement is a "happy slave," a product of the ultimate form of domination. I see a parallel between him and Japan.

MikeyB: A moron who doesn't feel his moroness is a "happy moron," a product of the ultimate form of moronitude. I see a parallel between him and you.

People in non-English-speaking countries of Europe use English, but are on their guard against letting it overrun their turfs, so to speak. I think these Europeans are dealing with English with a certain degree of tension. But I sense no such tension among the people of Japan, and I want them to be less naive. Unless they are more careful, the day may come when they realize too late that even everyday Japanese is full of English words and expressions.

MikeyB: Care to provide examples? No, of course not. He'd rather make shit up to support his argument.

Umm, bad news buddy, Japanese is already full of English words and expressions.

Q: Then, how do you think English should be taught in junior and senior high schools?

A: English should be made an optional subject only for kids who want to learn the language.

MikeyB: Believe me bud. They already have that attitude.

It is a required subject at present, which means all pupils are forced to take it. But what practical need is there to force everyone to learn a foreign language? It is most important for Japanese citizens to fully master Japanese.

MikeyB: Actually I agree. They should not force everyone to learn English. But they should force everyone to learn basic logic and critical thinking skills. I think you could have benefited from that.

Today, the level of Japanese language skills is deteriorating not only among young Japanese, but in all age groups as well. Precisely for this reason, I believe Japanese should be made a compulsory subject from primary school to all the way through university, and the hours of classes must be increased so that everyone will learn to use proper Japanese.

MikeyB: A couple of thoughts.

1. If Japanese is THAT hard to learn, maybe it should be simplified.

2. Languages (like everything else) evolve. Too bad if YOU don't like it.

But a few years ago, the education ministry came up with its strategy to nurture Japanese with proficiency in English. And the ministry even established a set of targets of English skills for all the Japanese citizens to achieve by enumerating as criteria grades of the Eiken Test in Practical English Proficiency. This was a classic case of putting the cart before the horse.

MikeyB: Reality check: - English is THE international business language. - If you want to travel, English is your best bet for being understood (in any country). - Japanese will never be accepted as an international language because it is not spoken internationally. - If you don't want to learn English, I suggest you take up Chinese. That may be the future for Asia.

I can't help but picture this guy as a tiny, bitter, pock-marked, whiny little ultra-nationalist.

Fin

I have a headache. Could be the stick lodged in my head.

Anyway, I'm glad to know many people who are more well-rounded than Mr Professor here.

Oh man....can't think, can't write....I need a drink.

Let me know what you think.

Till next time....

MikeyB

Favourite Podcasts

While my most able partner delights with his informative and entertaining posts on that most wonderful of amber liquids, I shall serve up other delicious insights.

Today I shall bestow upon you some of my most cherished podcasts.

As we are all busy with work and other unnecessary mundane tasks, it is a real treat to break the monotony with a titillating taste of tasteful, tasty talk. The kind that not only makes you think but also educates and inspires!

One of my adulation's is settling in to a nice podcast whilst sailing around Osaka Bay on my private yacht.










Hmm...perhaps a little paint would help.

And so, without further adieu, I present a gourmet feast of the audible kind.


1. The Atheist Experience
http://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-atheist-experience/id118720919

For anyone who has ever questioned the religion they were brought up in, this podcast is for you.
I for one became an atheist after examing the teachings of the Bible and seeing how they match up with reality. This podcast will either help you make the difficult transition and set you free...or reaffirm your belief.
Give it a try.


2. The History of Rome - Mike Duncan
http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-history-of-rome/id261654474

Wonderfully organized and delivered in a way that is both easy to listen to and very informative.
Mr Duncan knows his subject very well and realizes that in order to digest such a voluminous piece of history, it needs to be divided up into bite sized pieces.
Not only does he succeed, he leaves the listener salivating for the next episode.


3. Ideas from CBC radio
http://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/ideas-from-cbc-radio-highlights/id151485663

I've always loved CBC radio (slight bias). Wonderfully intelligent and beautifully written programs. With a wide range of topics, one is sure to find something of interest.



4. Monster Talk
http://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/monstertalk/id325079170

Yes I know that's a picture of John Kerry. But don't worry, he doesn't really exist.

This is podcast for those interested in mythical creatures yet have a desire to dispell the myths with science and reason.
The podcast examines the monter folklore from it's origins to the possible existence or the what-if.
It's a light-hearted podcast but very informative.


5. CBC Quirks and Quarks
http://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/quirks-quarks-complete-show/id151485804

Again, bias. But hey, it's good!
My mom got me turned on to this gem as a kid. She'd have it on the radio while doing housework, every Sunday.
Quirks and Quarks examines everything from the largest bodies in the universe to the smallest quarks, and anything in between.
With special guest scientists from all over the world, this one hour program is a must listen for anyone who ever wondered 'why?'.


6. QuackCast - Dr Mark Crislip
http://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/quackcast/id156191063

Do vaccines cause autism?
Is Chiropractic science based medicine?
Why is homeopathy a ridiculous idea?
Will a watermelon really grow in my tummy if I eats da seeds!

This man will set the record straight.
He's funny too.


7. The Skeptics guide to the Universe
http://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-skeptics-guide-to-universe/id128859062

This is the creme de la creme.
From the site itself...

"The Skeptics' Guide to the Universe is a weekly Podcast talkshow discussing the latest news and topics from the world of the paranormal, fringe science, and controversial claims from a scientific point of view. -The Skeptics' Guide to the Universe: Your escape to reality"

This is a must listen podcast!

I have enjoyed many an hour sipping tea and listening to these delightful tidbits of erudition.
I invite you to do the same!
I also invite you to share your favourite podcasts with me.
Kindly post them in reply to this blog and if I can pull myself away from my other marvelous pasttimes, I'll give them a listen.
Or, I'll delete them.
They're probably rubbish anyway.



Until then, let me leave you with this.








Sir MikeyB

Microbrews, a la Nippon version 2.0

Ahhhh...I nice full belly of sea bass, clams and a nice little pasta salad. All prepared by Mrs. Gaijinforlife. Best of all, she brought home two brand spankin' new micro-brews for dessert! So with James Brown on the CD player, ON WISS ZEE BLOG!!!!

Today features two very confusing little brews. I had to ask Toshi where exactly their hometown of Miyazaki is. She told me, and I quote: "Kyushu, Oita no minami...kana?" For those of you who are Nihongo-impaired, that translates as "Kyushu (the southernmost island of mainland Japan), Oita (all I know is that there is a soccer team in J2 there and a monkey mountain!)....I think it's south of there?" She was correct as well. It is indeed, quite far south of Oita. Oh, and a short distance away from there, there are a bunch of hot-springs, each with its own theme. I suggest the crocodile one. Try to catch feeding time.

The Hideji Brewery boasts eight different types of brew, but Sogo was only carrying two (Bastards!). The "Taiyou no Ragaa" (Lager of the Sun) and the Shinkan no Peeru Eeru (Pale Ale of Silence) were an odd little couple. The Lager of the Sun was the lager, right? Thing is that it was far cloudier than the pale ale. This confused me a bit - ever since I had my first taste of rubbing alcohol at the age of 4 (four and a HALF says my inner child), I have always thought that pale ales were supposed to be cloudier than lagers. Justice was served - albeit only slightly - when the Mrs told me that it said American pale ale on the bottle. I figured that since American macrobrews can't tell the discrepancies between a beer and the liquid I just pissed into the toilet, we have to give them a pass this time. Their other variations of brew look, for the most part, better than what we had today.

The "lager" actually tasted more like an ale and the "pale ale" had more the ring of a lager.

I'll start with Lager of the Sun. Not really impressed. The fact that I think they, in all honest of mistakes or complete idiocy, messed up the labels. That should give you enough of an idea as to how the rest of this is going to read. It was very...meh. It had a smooth taste to it, but not a whole lot of personality. It's one that goes down into the files of mediocrity. I didn't love it, I didn't hate it. The beer was on the table, and it was alright. Definitely not one that I'm going to rush back to Sogo and shell out another 500 yen for.










How many times have you heard this one: if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. The name of this beer is "Pale Ale of Silence" and it apparently has nothing nice to say. It was not particularly mean either. Nonetheless, it remains silent. Smooth on the tongue with a slightly bitter aftertaste, I was struggling to find personality for this one as well. There was simply nothing that jumped out at me and said "Hey whiteboy! I'm a damned fine beer and you're going to order another one of me instead of an Yebisu next time!" In fact, I had trouble differentiating it from most other macrobrews. In conclusion - why on Buddha's big belly would you make a microbrew if it's going to taste like something I can get at Lawson's for half the price?

Sorry to disappoint kids. Nothing else to blog about today I guess. See ya next time!!!

Microb

My Most Sincere Apologies

It has come to my attention that I have not been heeding my duties as a blog-master. For this reason, my apologies go out to all of you, my loyal minions.

But on to the awesome future!!!!

As I sit here hungover from not only last night, but also the past world cup, I realized something pretty cool....England SUCKS!!!!

Now before all you Brits mob me like the final scene of Green Street Hooligans (I've got a point to make about this), I have plenty of reasons.

Reason 1: Wayne Rooney. We have a chant for this back in America that annoys the whole world (as if anything America does doesn't annoy the whole world) which goes something like this. Sure, he's great for his club and keeps the loyal Manchester United supporters singing. But for country? I'll give him one thing - 65 caps and 25 goals. Not too shabby. But keep in mind that most of these goals come in friendlies. Also known as "games that don't actually matter." Put him in the World Cup or Euro qualifiers, and he wanders around the field wondering where he's going to buy his next hooker from.

Reason 2: Keepers. England couldn't keep a camel out of a toaster oven with a shotgun. Their keepers are phenomenally awful. In the Sun's recent survey of the Top 10 Premier League Goalkeepers, there are only three Brits. Basically, f the Premiership made rules limiting foreigners, the season record for goals would be shattered in three games. By the by, Robert Green made that top ten list. You know your keepers are shit when Robert Green is the seventh best keeper in your league. Let us not forget this beauty:













Bend over and take it like a man.

Oh, and Tim Howard is the man!

Reason three: David Beck-ham is your hero. Refer to reason one, and then check out my homie's site Beer and Soccer dot com. I was going to copy and paste the whole article, but it's not my joke. David Beck-ham: whatapuss. He needs to re-negotiate his hair treatment contract. The sooner he leaves America the better. I hope he gets shot in LA.

Reason 4: England invented the game. This has happened time and time again all over the world in all types of sports. Baseball: the Japanese and Dominicans OWN that game. Sumo: Mongolians dominate the sport. Cricket: Belongs to the Aussies. Rugby: pick a country - Wales even took that one from you guys and they aren't even on the Union Jack. I would have to say that soccer belongs to the Brazilians. If not, their women have the best asses so we'll give it to them just so we can see more Brazilian women on TV.

The fact of the matter is that I could go on like his forever. It seems that there are no English in the English league. There are no English anywhere else. England is a mediocre team who used to be good. There are tons of plastic fans for England who probably couldn't name anyone other than the aforementioned muppet duo of Wayne & Becks.

England sucks, but I love your beer and your bars. See ya tonight for Wayne "more-problems-than-a -shrink" Rooney vs. Tim "I-dare-you-to-shoot" Howard.

I'm out.

Microbrews, a la Nippon

Back in two-thousand sumpin or other, a sports pundit joked that the only way to get Americans to watch soccer (yeah, that's right Brits...SOCCER!!!!) was to give them free beer. Fast forward to 2007 and a Wisconsin native who now lives in Austin, Texas, said to himself "Hey! What a great idea!"

And the Free Beer Movement was born.

It's simple - beer is the carrot, soccer is the stick. Take a friend to a game and buy him/her a beer or two.

I was introduced to the Free Beer Movement via a the baddest ass supporters of the U.S. Men's National Team, The American Outlaws. I subscribed to the FBM on Facebook, and the nice thing about this guy, is that he posts pictures of all these wonderful American microbrews that the good ole U.S. of A. has to offer. With every picture he put up, I grew more and more jealous because I am pretty much stuck with Yebisu, Kirin, or Asahi, the big three of Japanese macrobrews, and nowhere to look for anything else.

While the World Cup was going on, I actually took a little trip down to Matsuyama (Matsuyama is a partyyyy toooooowwwwwwn!!!!!) , a city in Ehime Prefecture. While touring around the city with Mrs. Gaijinforlife, we stumbled across a little place with a sign on the outside that beckoned to our heart's every desire with a simple outdoor sign that read "Brewery Restaurant." Neither of us had the ability to pass it up. Turns out that this little cafe was a microbrew called Dogo - and I never looked back.

It was exactly what I had been looking for ever since being exposed to the FBM. They had three different types of beers: a stout, a Belgian ale, and a pale ale. Despite the price tag, we ordered one of each, splitting the third. They had magazines that were dedicated to microbrews in Japan, and I was stunned - nay SHOCKED - to find that there were quite a few located in Hyogo! OH buddy here we go...

The first microbrew that I will introduce in this little series will be the threesome out of Kobe's next door neighbor, Akashi Brewery. The first one I had was Akashi Kaigan Beer (Akashi Seaside Beer). Skip it. Go to the next one. It was like an over-carbonated Bud Select. Perhaps more of a cider that they came up with after someone forgot to put the fruit in. They have wheat stalks on the label so I think it was supposed to be a wheat beer. They failed. Awful. NEXT! (Scroll down)










Akashi Roman Beer. A nice sipper! The wife had the majority of this one, but from the picture, it's a brown if not Belgian ale, and it was loveable and huggable and downright deeeeelicious from the one or two sips I had.
(One more to go! Scroll down.)














And last but not least, Akashi's choco-stouterific wonderland of goodness, Akashi Yukyunokoku Beer (Akashi Eternal Time Beer). After finding out exactly what the name of this beer means, I had to laugh because I got a good chunk of this beer and it lasted me for a good looooong time. Anyone who knows me knows that I tend to drink quite quickly. I simply couldn't stand for this one to be finished, so I nursed it like a cancer patient. It tasted of dark chocolate, but not so dark that the bitterness overpowered the sweet side of the chocolate; it was VERY well balanced. There was also a hint of a smokey flavor, meaning that (personally) I didn't mind when the beer went room temp. I suggest this beer with a mild cigar. Wish I had one at the time of drinking it.

Well, I hope this to become a bit of a regular thing. I like to try microbrews and I really miss how available they were back in America. Aahhhh ever the gaijin. Longing for home, but loving it here. Have the Roman and the Eternal Time,
skip the Seaside.

Michael out.

ECP's

I've been thinking about my first post for a few days (minutes actually) and was wondering what I should blog about.

Having never written a blog (or an essay, letter, note, IOU, memo, my name in my underpants...wait... did that.) I decided to blog about....Escalators!

I know, I know... 'What's up with that?' you ask yourself. Well it's like this...

Firstly,
Escalator - a noun Yes, I know you know. But did you know that the verb is to escalate?

es·ca·late Verb /ˈeskəˌlāt/
to increase rapidly

Therefor we take the escalator in order to ascend QUICKLY!!!
If I can walk up the stairs next to the escalator and PASS YOU, you are not using the escalator properly. Let's go people! Chop chop!

Unless you have leg cancer or some other horrendous injury, like a bleeding head wound...please WALK up the escaltor. Do not stand for any reason.

And you people who walk up the escalator and STOP just before the top....aaarrgh!
What? Are you tired??? What are you doing??? Get going!!

So I propose that we (who know how to use escalators) carry fishing poles with us.
The next time we spot an Escalatorily Challenged Person, we flick the fishing pole just enough to render a stinging blow to the back of said persons neck.
That'll get 'em moving.

Phew! Thank you for your time.

Now.....where's my fishing pole...


MikeyB

Homework Assignment.

To celebrate the brand spankin' new scholarly year, we would like to send all of you in Japan on a bit of an assignment. This assignment isn't so much a go-out-and-do-it as a keep-your-eyes-peeled-for-it.

We would like to prove it once and for all to all people outside of our little bubble life here that Japanese people wipe their dog's ass after they crap on the street. Get me a picture or a video of it!

First one to do it either gets a guest spot on our forthcoming podcast and we will supply the beer (necessary for a podcast!). If I get it before you, you all lose and we keep the beer for ourselves!!!

Sincerely,

Mike&Mike in that order

Why Gaijin for Life?

Someone has asked me why Mike and I picked Gaijin for Life as our theme earlier. It's a small story, but one that should be told.

We were sitting around, as we do, drinking beers one night. The topic of what home is like came up. I, being from Omaha, began to talk about how much the city has changed since I've been gone: the urban sprawl that is closing farms, the enormous arena that has gone up, the increase in population, the closing of the old baseball stadium that hosted the College World Series on an annual basis, and on and on and on. Mikey, being from somewhere in podunk Canada, talked about how the hockey team had gone to Arizona and then came back (so in the end nothing changed I guess).

As the topic continued, the inevitable question came up: "Would you consider going home? And if so, what would it be like?"

We both agreed on nothing. Nothing would be the same. The face of the matter is that we have moved on from our hometowns, they have both changed. If either of us were to go back with the missus, that we would feel out of place. We are Gaijin no matter where we go. Hence, we are Gaijin for life.

Harro There!!!

Disclaimer: the picture to the left - an unknown American after our GLORIOUS win over Canada in the opening round of the Olympics - is not a rip by a Yank on Canada (again, GLORIOUS!!), but rather a tribute to those who are willing to stand out in the crowd.

We, Mike and Mike (one Canadian and one American), intend for this blog to be simple: a glimpse into the life of a few gaijin and our lives in Japan. The ups, the downs, the bitches, whines, moans as well as the praises, gloats and boasts about why we live here.

Like anywhere else in the world, there are good days, bad days, really bad days, and REALLY bad days that you wish the whole damn archipelago would sink into the ocean and you were the only one with a life vest. It seems that these are the days most well documented. We hope that we also post on the good days, and especially on the great days.

We are the ones who chose to live here; to leave behind what we know and love to find something else to know and love, or even to find (or stay with) or a person we know and love. We came here by different means. Sometimes we come with intentions, sometimes without. Sometimes we come willingly, sometimes not. The fact is that we like it here. This place gives plenty of talking points and stories which can be entertaining. These are our stories. We hope you enjoy them.